Tuesday, November 1st, 2005
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10:04 am - For those of you still out there....
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My world makes no sense anymore. I'm working on being emancipated. The good news is that the papers were filed two fridays ago. I'm home from school again.
There are so many beautiful people in the world. I adore their quirks. Quirks are the most beautiful thing in the world. Like this one girl who has this thing for Isreali history.
I pierced my tongue. The battle of Marcus is still on in a number of new and exciting ways. Meh. Minus the exciting part.
My dad's gonna be in jail soon.
I guess that's it.
current mood:  cynical
current music: Tomorrow Comes Today - Gorrilaz
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Sunday, March 27th, 2005
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10:41 pm - The Story +Theo's beautiful timing
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So my dad goes out to the res and gets really drunk with his old friends. Before this, he had gotten quite stoned (I knew from the resin in the sink). So he gets in this wreck and drives away. He's pursued by 3 (+) cops. When he finally gets pulled over (after running into some signs), he comes out throwing punches. He beats up 3 officers (resisting arrest).
So he is being charged with:
1. DUI
2. Evasion
3. Assault of an officer
4. Resisting arrest
5. Obstruction of justice
+ 2 others that I can't remember.
So my dad is pleading not guilty so he can have time to straighten things out and hopefully get a plea bargain. This pisses me off. I'm glad to have dad a little longer, but that is not justice. He knows he's guilty and it was his fault in the first place. As opposed to being punished and learning his lesson, he has a chance to go on vacation for a minimum of 6 months where he will go through a quit drinking course when he's not been drunk in 4 years in the first goddam place. Useless. This is where the government has failed. The justice system. There is no justice.
Well.... I died me hair pink. Bye.
current mood:  blah
current music: Movies - Alien Ant Farm
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Saturday, March 26th, 2005
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8:02 am
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My Dad got a DUI this morning.
He's a "recovering alcoholic."
He really shouldn't be drinking.
Um... I'm not quite sure what to do.
He's also in jail near Polson.
This has never happened before.
And apparently he had enough to last him until 7:30 a.m.
At least.
Bye.
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Friday, March 25th, 2005
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9:59 pm - Note From The Management:
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Being the existence of rifts in peoples' understanding capabilties, I will no longer try to say something meaningful to myself as it will most surely end in a visit back to 2nd grade comprehension checks.
On another note.
What was began ends tomorrow.
Like I once told kyle:
Don't touch me.
Cept this time, I'll say it in english.
You know what... it really hurts to not be loved by those that one would hope did. But my ultimatum came tonight. And, as an added irony, was the answer that I thought of as a joke.
I'm gonna go poison myself.
Sweet dreams, all.
Enjoy your lives because you have one.
Smell the greatfullness.
*deep breath* Yes... crispy. Ain't it.
current mood:  lonely... but not worse
current music: Sweet Transvestite - Tim Curry
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Thursday, March 24th, 2005
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10:33 pm - So I had a special shower today.
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Like I said... I really don't care anymore. And, in the end, my hair came out softer, my skin cleaner, and my outlook on life a little crisper.
(I just like the word "crisper")
But yes... my special shower with my special fun.
And my special matching underoos.
Things people have heard of that aren't over-rated or crap: Pedometers, Family Guy, Happy Tree Friends, Stairway To Heaven, Queen, Fight Club, Suits, Pleted skirts, Showering, Bondage, and an Education.
So...
What I'm saying the most right now:
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.
Shut up, shut up, shut UP.
Grrrrrr. This is why the public education system needs to be revamped. Ritalin in every friday smoothie. The kids'll think they're getting a treat.....
And hearing ear-inserts.
Well... I was going to gloat about my fun time before work today, but something's giving me a bad taste in my mouth, and want to stop. (metaphor you know who you are)
current mood:  cranky.... bitch
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10:15 am - A rant! A rant! Look, mom, a rant!
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I envision a two-frame cartoon.
Frame one: Huge rock concert with kids everywhere. There's a break in the music and the artist says something to the effect of:
Your parents and society are brainwashing you to think that everything is beautiful and wonderful. They want you to sell out and believe that nobody is suffering!! Fuck USA!!!
Frame two: Two parents sitting together in the living room listening to the radio and they hear something to this effect:
The angry teen generation is being brainwashed to believe that the world has no chance to be a beautiful place. They kill themselves because they feel so bad for those down on their luck instead of helping them. We need to restore hope for them! Talk to your children. Let them know the truth.
Or how bout those Green Day fucks! What happened to masturbation and compromize!?! Fuck America? Real original. Don't we have people like Papa Roach to tell us that money sucks (even though he's filthy fuckin' rich) and our parents hate us??? Church on Sunday!!! Beat THAT bitch.
And those fucking teenagers that freak out when they see USA clothing. This really ruins my fucking day. Oh my GOD! Look. That man has American Flags on his clothing, what an asshole. HEY. This man just happens to see the beauty in this country. And yes, it does exist. When this country was founded, the ideas presented were revolutionary (heh... get it... REVOLUTION). So many people have died to protect that. You know how your parents will say mean things about whole countries because of a few radicals? Stop being such a fucking hipocrit. Just because Bush sucks, doesn't mean the rest of the country does. So shut the hell up and let me drink my coffee.
Now I've probably insulted someone. Well... 2 things. 1. I love you, and it had to be said. 2. It's America, I can say what I want in the freedom of my own house and the interweb (I hope).
I mean, honestly, you're no better than the fuckers that insult people wearing brand names, or dirty clothing when you do shit like that. Be nice, kids.
And with that, I leave you.
Sorry to offend. Just being honest.
current mood:  cheerful
current music: Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams
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Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005
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10:13 pm - Pennyroyal, myyrh, and rose
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Ok... so...
My house really stinks right now.
And my first night of work was spent with this scent all over me. I'll remember to not do this until I've got a night like the night mystery man ditched me.
Dad thinks it' my feet. And the liquid must be tested...
Hrm... 10:15
That IS enough time......
The cat is in heaven. She loves the smell.
The odor.
Bed-time.
Maybe tomorrow night.
Byebye
love!
current mood:  hopeful
current music: System of a Down
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Sunday, March 20th, 2005
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11:17 pm
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So... day 6 of missing menstruation. Lamens terms: My rag is six days late.
...I could just be REALLY stressed. After all... I DO have an ulcer.
Or it could... not.
Pennyroyal tea
I don't like myself very much.
By the way... thanks for the fun night anyway.
current mood: not so good
current music: Till I Hear It From You - Gin Blossoms
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7:33 pm
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It was a night to remember. Things had always been crazy between them, but tonight, she knew, was special. She knew what he had planned. Her eyes were everywhere.
She carefully dressed herself for his world while sipping from her home-made punch. She put on a cute green shirt and a short black skirt. Last on her body were her black go-go boots and his skull necklace.
She heard his door shut.
She finished mixing the care-free cocktail and answered the door.
It was him.
"You're late."
And they left.
I might have an explanation for this clip at a later date.
For now... Thank's for hanging in there with me.
You know who you are.
current mood:  calm
current music: It's a secret
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5:41 pm - Um... no suicide....
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| You scored as Suffocated. Your death will be death by suffocation. Be careful and chew before you swallow!
Suffocated | | 87% | Gunshot | | 73% | Dissapear | | 73% | Accident | | 67% | Cut Throat | | 67% | Bomb | | 67% | Suicide | | 67% | Disease | | 60% | Stabbed | | 60% | Eaten | | 60% | Electric Chair | | 47% | Posion | | 40% | Drowning | | 33% | </td>
How Will You Die??
created with QuizFarm.com |
current mood:  I'm happyish
current music: Eminem mwahahahahahahaha *I'm a conformist*
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Thursday, March 17th, 2005
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7:52 pm - KvD Back and honestly bad. Disgusting truths.
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Clancy Child: 2 d.p. - You are a thief.
Hana: 34 k.p. - (-26 than last time) Why? cus you backlashed Summer. Mwahahahahahahahahaha!
Katlyn B.: 11 d.p. - War?
Luke: 28 k.p. - Cus you have time.
Marcus: 7 k.p. - I can't say why you get them... but you do...
Monica: 23 d.p. - You fail
Summer: 362 k.p. - You said yes to the happy plan.
Theo: 113 k.p. - Nice job... enjoyed the talk earlier.
Westley: 14 k.p. - You remembered the book!
Elaine: 1,753 d.p. - You dun a baaaaaaaad thing....
Here's something funny... My period's 3 days late...
current mood:  nothing.
current music: Never There - Cake
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7:09 pm
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Well... my speedometer is broken again. I thank the officer for helping me see that.
current mood:  irate
current music: Swallowed - Bush
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Wednesday, March 16th, 2005
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6:32 pm - All this sin is starting to catch up with me.
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So... I did something good today.
That was nice.
Although it really doesn't even come close to the bad I've been doing recently.
But I've got cold, so there is some righteous revenge there. No complaints. I deserve it.
current mood:  Grey Zone
current music: Rest of My Life - Unwritten Law
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Tuesday, March 15th, 2005
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6:18 pm - Dear Diary: Fuck, I make bad decisions.
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okay... so now that I've showered THAT off...
I really wish I could tell you guys about this one. It's turned out quite crazy. Insane.
Karma here, dogma there, gob/bad timing EVERYWHERE.
Anyways... I'm happy.
current mood:  tee hee
current music: Make Me Bad - Korn
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Monday, March 14th, 2005
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9:45 pm - Ever since this thing happened.........
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Ever since: I cut so much.
Ever since: I have the silent moments.
Ever since: I try to forgive.
Ever since: I let it happen to an uncomfortable extent.
And I'm going to do it again tomorrow. All of it, I bet. I know the game. But I don't care. If this is read, it won't be understood.
These performances always bring out *feelings*... and then there was the talk in Soc/Crim today.
Rape.
Ever feel like nobody cares? Especially those who should?
I must be imagining things.
I wonder if I would slit my wrists if I had two hands.
I made it through the weekend with two small hickeys, one large hickey/bruise, less respect from parents, and a weakened sense of reality.
It scares me how much I'm losing reality again.
Just like 8th grade.
This environment is not helpful.
Maybe I need to be saved again. If that was ever what happened.
"You don't love me."
current mood:  thoughtful
current music: The Reason - Hoobastank
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Sunday, March 13th, 2005
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8:15 pm - Aw man... I got SERIOUSLY taken advantage of this weekend.
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I'm pretty sure I almost was raped. But I got outta that one. Always good. Rape is bad news bears.
Umm... I'm glad I didn't make that promise the other day not to cut to mister mystery man.
I'm going to get a lecture about the hickies on my neck.
Oh joy.
Saw some exes this weekend. Had a lovely lunch. Saw Martin and Keify. Of course my lunch was Mountain Dew but that's irrelevant.
Almo introduced me to one of her friends as "the girl who speaks good Spanish." And then she further went on to explain to me that I won't have any trouble understanding the language in Spain this summer which, believe me, was very relieving to hear from a native Spanish speaker. Almo is so very nice.
I need disks, and for that I will have to shmooze. Oh well... as long as it gets me the disks.
Ever get a hickey so bad that it isn't even a hickey anymore; it's a bruise?
Good thing Gramma didn't need to do any fitting for the dress.
I hate Cori.
Okay no I don't. But it was good to say.
I have eventful noneventful weekends.
And when I lived in Butte, Barney would always get so excited to hear what I did. It was never all that special. Oh well. It made me feel good cus he always laughed.
Alexa and I went to Walmart. I had a Jason mask and a black beanie on.
Me: Excuse me mister walmart employee, sir, but could you very kindly please lead me in the correct direction of the baseball bats?
(He points silently)
I drove with my feet today and found out that my car tops out at 123 miles per hour.
The blank time was spent in an interesting place. But I can tell something's going on. But I don't know exactly what yet.
Perhaps I will later post what happened one day in the blank space.
Lie #7:
About a year ago, he made me promise to stop slashing; from over 120 miles away. I said "yes, of course." And that was that. Or so he thought... I really didn't stop. I always figured that if he really cared, he would address it from a closer distance. But that never got brought up when we were together.
"Amores Lejos Son Bendejos." - Get your Spanish teacher to translate that.
current mood:  I'm here, aren't I?
current music: Just a Girl - No Doubt
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Saturday, March 12th, 2005
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6:49 pm - You fail.
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To whom it may concern:
And you know who the fuck you are.
I've had my fair share of lyars and hypocrits in my life and I don't need you there helping along fucking up my life along with them.
current mood:  pissed off
current music: all appologies
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1:22 pm - Soon as I finish this juice...
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I'm gonna go run hot water and soap all over my newly cut body.
Fuck, I'm bored and my head hurts from slamming it into the wall.
meh. bye
current mood:  really frickin bored
current music: nothing yet
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Friday, March 11th, 2005
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7:31 pm
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HOLY SHIT. I just realized that I have Good Charlotte listed as one of my interests on this fucker....
Wow...
What the fuck was I thinking???
A posible answer:
Math class - Freshman year
Some preppy guy: Yeah Good Charlotte sucks. They used to be all punk but now they suck. Sell outs.
Okay... interperetation of that. The guy who said that was the type of person that I would be nice to if he said that being nice was dumb.
Another possibility:
Good Charlotte IS interesting in a sick and pathetic kind of way...
Okay not really.
I go now.
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4:16 pm - *twich* CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!! again!!!
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I have two mysterious hickeys on my right breast...
current mood: cheerful
current music: Hip Hop... that's right,,,, BO-EEEE
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solitagatita's journal